


task at hand

by peopleii



Category: Taskmaster (UK TV) RPF
Genre: Crack, Daddy Kink, Dom/sub, Hand Jobs, Humor, M/M, Penis Size, Public Humiliation, Semi-Public Sex, Show Format, Small Penis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-01-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:53:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,629
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28736046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peopleii/pseuds/peopleii
Summary: Make a model of Alex's erect penis with objects found around the house. Most accurate model wins. You cannot see Alex's penis. You have thirty minutes. Your time starts now.
Relationships: Greg Davies/Alex Horne
Comments: 2
Kudos: 25





	task at hand

**Author's Note:**

> my taskmaster hyperfixation went as fast as it came but at least i got two fics out of it >_> this was a really dumb idea a friend offered me and i was like. okay i have to write this.
> 
> enjoy!

"Make a model of Alex's—" Contestant One looks up at the camera, and then at Alex, and laughs incredulously. "You've got to be shitting me." Alex has a faint shade of pink on his face. "Make a model of Alex's erect penis with objects found around the house. Most accurate model wins. You have thirty minutes. You cannot see Alex's penis. Your time starts... now." Contestant One looks at the camera again. " _Seriously?_ " He looks at the letter like there might be an actual task hidden underneath it. There's nothing but what's on there, though, clear as day. "This is a little far, _even_ for you, Alex," he says as he stands up and heads right to the kitchen,

Contestant Two finishes reading, "Your time starts... now." She lets out an incredulous laugh and then turns to look at Alex. "Don't laugh at me. But.. is... will foreskin be accounted for in terms of accuracy, or...? Do I've got to guess if you're cut?"

Alex looks at her. "Uh... yes, that does factor into accuracy."

"Okay," she says. "You were... um." She pulls up her phone. "Okay. I never thought I'd google about circumcision rates in the United Kingdom to simply do this based in chance. The most important part is length, obviously, which means I should probably go with average... hold on, I need to Google that too."

Contestant Three is more straightforward. "Well, it says I can't _see_ your dick, but not that I can't _ask_ you about your dick." (Greg laughs in the studio at that, rather loudly.) "Are you cut or uncut?"

"Uh... I'm uncut, yes."

"And how big is it?"

"Uh."

"Come on, don't be shy. The whole point of this task your boss devised is to humiliate you with your dick size, I don't think it can get any worse than that, can't it?"

Alex sighs. "Okay. Let me give you the measurements."

Contestant Four stares at him for a long time. "Why's Greg like this?" she asks.

Alex shrugs. "He knows I enjoy it." He taps at the timer, telling her silently to go start the task.

Contestant Five sighs and puts his hands on his face. "Oh God I can't believe Greg wants us to make a model of your dick. I mean, I can, personally, but it's so ridiculous I'm sort of in awe at the fact this will be aired on Channel Four."

"You and me both."

It pans back to the studio.

"Well," Greg says, looking at the audience, with the smuggest smile on his face. "Instructions were pretty obvious, weren't they? Make a model of my assistant's lovely penis with things in the house."

"Lovely penis?" Contestant Two echoes.

Greg looks at her. "Yes, that's what I said. I'm not going to regret those words any time soon." He huffs. "Now, first, let's talk about just how off the mark they were by giving some measurements to my dear assistant's phallus."

The screen lights up with information, and a pixelated computer-generated penis is on the screen. It reads: 11.5 centimeters in length, 7.62 centimeters in girth, uncircumcised, curves slightly to the left. Alex's face goes redder as the information appears on screen. 

"So that's what you're fighting against. All these factors will have an effect on how accurate your model is. And I felt like going all out on the most humiliating task for Alex— and I _am_ counting that one time he sat on a cake bare-arsed— so I made a points system. It's ten points. Five for length, five for girth, one if you got the circumcision status right, one if you got the curvature right. The one with the biggest amount of points, of course, gets first place, so on and so forth. So! Let's start with the montages!"

Contestant One heads right to the kitchen with a mission and a dream. He goes for the dough and makes quick work of getting it ready to be molded into whatever he wants it to be. Alex follows him and he turns to look at him for a second. "You uncut, mate?"

"Yes."

"Me too." The audience laughs, surprised. "Okay. So uncut, I have to make sure to portray that with the dough. Then... uh..." He hums. "I mean, I could just ask you, right." He keeps working at the penis. "But I think it'd also be funny if I just guessed how big your dick is. Still, could I get a vague indication? Like... above average or below average?"

Alex cringes, although Contestant One doesn't notice, not looking at him. "Below average."

" _Ooh!_ " he exclaims, delighted. "The Taskmaster must _really_ want to go and humiliate you, no? Were you _naughty_ or something?"

"None of your business," Alex says, voice strained with embarrassment.

Greg snorts as it pans back to him. "I'm glad we can be open about the way our relationship functions now. Back when we first kissed on screen, I thought Dave would've eaten us alive. But now we're able to publicly shame Alex for having a small dick. It's delightful, innit?"

"Greg," Alex complains softly, but the way he squirms in his seat leaves very little to the imagination of what his reaction is actually all about 

"Oh, shush," he says. "Now let's go to our next contestant!"

Contestant Two huffs and, after finishing her Google searches about the topic, starts to look for items that will help her with this. "Is there any play-doh in the house?"

Alex nods curtly.

"Okay, sweet!"

Contestant Three grabs a piece of wood and starts working at it, cutting it up to a more appropriate size with a chainsaw found on the backyard. 

"You know," Greg says, laughing, "you know that Alex's dick is not rectangular, right?"

"Yes, I do know that!" she exclaims. "But I didn't think of, like, dough or fucking _play-doh_ so I just went straight for what I thought would work!"

"Which is... wood, apparently," Contestant Four pipes in.

"I mean, it's beautiful symbolism for what Alex has right now."

The audience _ooh_ s like they're fifth graders just catching someone and them being in trouble. Alex's blush only grows.

"I am not having anything resembling wood, right now," Alex says, nearly tripping over his words, embarrassment thick. "Let's look at more montages."

Alex is definitely hard, though, and everyone knows it. As they go through the motions they finally unveil the dick models from every contestant.

Contestant One's dough model is quite good, in fact— it's got a noticeable bit that represents the foreskin and a slit. But it's also not curved and seems to be a bit on the smaller side of things.

"What are the measurements, Alex?"

"Uh, the measurements are, 9.3 centimeters in length, 5.6 centimeters in girth."

"Seems he lowballed you," Greg says.

Alex huffs. "So it seems."

The rest of the show goes on as normal. The best part of it, in Alex's opinion, is the one person who didn't go through the idea of making him below average— everyone else had correctly guessed that he must have a smaller dick if he was making a task all about it, as his inclination for being humiliated on national television was a secret everyone knew about. "Of course he has a small dick!" Greg had exclaimed incredulously, "look at him!"

And now it all paid off in the end. 

"You really liked that, didn't you?" Greg teases as he pressed him against the wall of the dressing room. "You want everyone to know that you're mine and that you've got that _pathetic_ thing in between your legs."

Alex remembers telling Greg about this task pitch. Greg had laughed incredulously, and before either of them knew it he was grabbing the lube and getting ready to fuck him. Afterward, he had asked him if he really thought they could air that on national television. He'd shrugged and said _hopefully_ , and then asked the execs about it. They had said yes, thank God, and now they were here, done with shooting that part of the episode, and clearly they needed a break after that whole task.

He can picture the people angry about it. But it doesn't matter, as Greg pulls down his pants and boxers and starts stroking him to hardness. He gets hard embarrassingly fast, arousal still pulling at him from that whole debacle.

"You're just a slutty boy, aren't you?" Greg growls as he jerks him off. "You would have loved it for them to break the rules and pull your pants down, wouldn't you? You'd whimper and beg for them to fuckin' touch you."

"Daddy," he whines out, hips bucking up into his hand. "Daddy, please, stop — stop teasing."

"Absolutely not," he says, laughing softly. "You're just a whore. It's a shame I _own_ you, baby boy. Otherwise you'd probably go off around, begging people to fuck you. I should organize that, don't I? A little gangbang for my perfect little assistant."

"Daddy," he whimpers out, face scarlet in embarrassment. He's so close already, being edged by the task not helping at fucking all. "Daddy, please, could I please - could I please come?"

"Already?" he coos. He kisses the spot behind his ear. "Of course, boy. Come for me."

His knees go slack and he releases all over Greg's hand, gasping for air afterward, his eyes rolling back into their sockets. He takes several seconds to get his wits back together, and when he's no longer out of it, Greg laughs at him softly. "Shut up," he groans, pulling him into a kiss. "Do you want me to return the favor?"

"But of course," he says, showing him the way to the bathroom so they'll have a bit more privacy.


End file.
